A third of Americans are dumb AND lazy

Dumb and lazy is no way to go through life. But if you choose to be both dumb and lazy, try not to reproduce, okey-dokey?

According to a recent study by tech company Logitech, 36% of Americans would give up sex for a month rather than surrender their remote control.

If you're so lazy that you'd choose to go four weeks without sweet lovin' rather than have to get up off your dumpling-butt to change the channel, then your gential organs should be encased in a chainmail thong, and then swaddled in kevlar.

Don't get me wrong: TV is great. I love it. Have you seen that show Operation Repo? Its craaaazy awesome. But I guess I'm just part of the people surveyed who would both get down... and get up toswitch shows.

But if you're one of the 36% of people who would forgo intimate human contact in order to save yourself the four or five steps it would take to change the channel, then I don't think you should be allowed to have any fun with your naughty bits.

I'm not one of those people who think all Americans are lazy. For the most part, Americans were born to hustle. We're a nation of citizens who get 'r done. But there is a minority out there who are ruining the reputation for the rest of us.

I think its fair that if you're lazy, you should give up some of your rights. I had a roommate once who was so lazy, he bought one of those jars of peanutbutter that has jelly swirled in. If you're too lazy to open two jars and make a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich, then you should not be allowed to eat the second greatest sandwich ever invented (the first? Grilled cheese. The third? A BLT.)

This survey, the Global Remote Control Trends Study, also discovered that the clicker is more important to 27% of people than a toothbrush. A sexless Jabba the Hutt is bad enough... but one with rotmouth?

Basically, there's a whole class of Americans out there who are emotionally attached to their remote control and are mortally afraid of any kind of physical movement. The type of people who will turn their leopard-print Snuggie inside out rather than go through all the effort of washing the BBQ sauce stains out of it.

Are you one of the 36% of people who would abstain from sex in order to keep your magic entertainment wand? Don't be shy. I want to know exactly why you would do this? Is it because you're spiritually broken? To you carry around your gut in a wheelbarrow? Have you given up?

This study does alot of good, because it has identified people who shouldn't breed. I don't think you'll get any argument out of the 36% of people in this study. As long as they have their clicker, everything is okay.

The world doesn't need anymore lazy dummies.